If you’re going to party hard this year, then I highly suggest you also party right. Skip the frozen pizzas. Skip the 30-pack of alcohol-flavored water. And please, for the love of God, skip those prepackaged dips with questionable smells.

I can’t cure a hangover for you, but I can sure as hell make sure that the hangover is worth it. This year, root for whoever you want to root for, and follow my handy guide for making this the best Super Bowl of your life — no matter who wins.

Make Proper Poppers

I already have another popper recipe on this very site, but this is a slightly more involved (and showstopping) take on a classic appetizer. Long story short, if you can nail this recipe, you don’t even need to worry about a main course — these poppers will do the trick just fine.

The key here is, first, the brisket. Go ahead and turn this dish into a weekend-long excuse to hang out by the smoker because if you’re going to smoke something, it’s worth smoking right. From there, it’s just about the quality of ingredients. Go find that good cheese at your finest grocery store or, better yet, find some even finer cheese at your local Mexican market. The same goes for jalapenos. Don’t get me wrong, this recipe’s not complicated, and that’s why the ingredients matter so much. If you get that right, the sum is greater than its parts.

ingredients

• ½ lb smoked brisket, finely chopped
• ½ cup tomato-bacon jam
• ¼ cup BBQ sauce
• 4 oz cream cheese
• 2 oz Chihuahua cheese, shredded
• 2 oz high-heat cheddar, shredded
• 22–23 medium-sized jalapenos
• 9–11 bacon slices

instructions

1. Chop brisket and combine with the tomato-bacon jam and BBQ sauce.
2. Add all the cheeses, and mix thoroughly
3. Slice jalapenos lengthwise and remove the seeds and veins
4. Roast jalapenos on the grill for about one minute. Don’t burn the stems.
5. Fill each jalapenos with 1 oz of the filling mixture.
6. Stretch the bacon slices, slice them in half, and wrap each jalapeno.
7. Place them seam-side down on a plate.
8. Smoke the poppers at 275 degrees for 40–55 minutes, and (optional) crisp them at 375 degrees for 5–10 minutes.
9. Alt: grill the poppers on medium indirect heat, turning occasionally until the bacon is crisp and the filling is hot.
10. Brush lightly with BBQ sauce, serve hot, and wonder why the Texans aren’t playing.

Score With Seafood

I know, I know. It feels weird for a French word to pop up in an article like this, but stick with me. Béchamel may sound all fancy, but when you hear that it’s essentially a butter sauce with a boatload of great stuff in it, you’ll thank me.

Personally, I think it’s a crime how little seafood is served at Super Bowl parties and I’m making it my life’s mission to remedy that fact. Put the bagel bites down, and head to the light because this recipe is going to make even the most jaded Cowboys fan enjoy watching yet another Super Bowl without a single star on a helmet (plays world’s tiniest violin).

ingredients

• 3 oz mushroom-cheese bèchamel
• 1 oz heavy cream
• 3 oz lump crab meat
• 3 oz shrimp (51/60 count, peeled)
• 2 oz white cheese blend
• 1 oz lemon butter
• 2 slices of garlic bread
• 1 charred lemon
• A pinch of green onions, sliced for garnish

instructions

1. Gently heat the bèchamel, heavy cream, and crab in a small sauteé pan until simmering.
2. Separately sauteé shrimp in lemon butter until just cooked.
3. Add cooked shrimp to the bèchamel-crab mixture and fold gently.
4. Transfer the hot mixture into a round casserole dish and sprinkle evenly with the white cheese blend.
5. Place the casserole on a pie pan and bake at 425 degrees for seven minutes. Remove when the cheese is bubbling and lightly toasted.
6. Place the casserole on a linen-lined oval place and garnish with green onions.
7. Serve with garlic bread, charred lemon, and a serving spoon.

Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em

This isn’t so much a recipe, but more of a general suggestion. If you’re an angler — or appreciate any type of seafood — a surefire way to win over even the surliest of football fans is to grab your fish of choice, smoke the living daylights out of it, and turn that sucker into a dip.

Believe it or not, fish is the perfect conduit for smokey flavors. The delicate, flaky texture soaks up the smoke like Willie on his tour bus, making for the perfect accompaniment for mild, fatty ingredients to go alongside it. It’s generally best to go for more fatty fish like redfish, salmon, or even tuna. That being said, I’ve successfully made crowd-pleasers with trout, whitefish, snapper, and even blue catfish (trust me, it’s underrated).

So much of this depends on the type of fish, but if you pair it with cream cheese, a little mayo, some dill, garlic, salt, and pepper, it’s pretty damn tough to go wrong. Heat your smoker to 250 degrees and cook the fish until it’s just cooked through. As for your wood selection, green mesquite is going to have the heaviest smoke flavor, but if you’re looking for something a little milder, try going with a seasoned (6+ months) or aged (8+ months) pecan or oak for a sweet, subtle flavor. Either way, it’ll be good.

Hit the Books

If any of these ideas are striking your fancy, then I’ve got more options. Just head over to my recipes page and you’ve got all sorts of options for putting the best Super Bowl party together. Here’s a brief rundown of some recipes I think would make killer football foods:

• Boudin: you’ll have a living room full of happy Cajun or at least folks who wish they were Cajun.
• Chile piquin salsa: if you’re not sweating the outcome of the game, you’ll sure as hell be sweating (in a good way) with this one.
• Chicken enchiladas: come on, who doesn’t love enchiladas?
• Crab cakes with Creole mustard sauce: these tangy little bundles of seafood goodness will be gone before they hit the table.
• Tortillas: Yep, I’ve got the perfect recipe for both flour tortillas and corn tortillas. I promise, no one ever complains about homemade tortillas.

Not to get all introspective, but life’s short and there are only so many Super Bowl parties. It may sound like a lot of work to throw together a lineup of delicious dips and finger foods, but that’s only if you think about it like work. I love this stuff. It gives me plenty of time to pop a cold one, sit with some pals, and talk about how bad the halftime performance is going to be. Don’t forget, this is what life was meant to be — having the best folks come over to scream at a bunch of athletes we’ve never met in our damn lives. If that doesn’t sound like a hell of a good time, throw a few of these recipes on the table, and there’s no way you’re making it to work on Monday.